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Is there anywhere in this world
Where my unharmed,
That person’s absence remains untold?
Everywhere, here and there,
Everything conveys it,
There’s no place for me to catch my breath.
And then, my heart stopped speaking altogether.
I feel nothing,
I remain indifferent,
The only choice left in my heart
Is to be absent everywhere myself.
Still, as long as I’m alive, some sensation must linger,
My heart remains vigilant, ready to erase it as soon as it awakens,
Much like the immune cells when a foreign threat infiltrates the body.
My most exceptional abilities, sensitivity, and memory,
Now, they are akin to my adversaries.
Only my primal senses keep me going day by day,
Hunting, eating, sleeping, that’s all.
Just eat, go to work without being late,
Eat, then go to sleep,
With all the lights in the house still on,
And the next morning comes again, without being late for work.
How many days are there when I take a bath and sleep in the bedroom?
Maybe I just don’t want to enter the bedroom.
Even though washing my body lightens my mood a bit,
I eat and then, without even brushing my teeth,
I just fall asleep on the sofa.
I force myself to move my body and do the bare minimum in daily life.
In truth, I don’t want to do anything at all.
I eat because I’m hungry and then go straight to sleep.
It’s fine to repeat this pattern.
When I sleep, even if only temporarily, this consciousness is interrupted,
And that’s where I want to be.
I don’t want to stay awake.
In reality, I might not even want to eat.
I don’t really need to eat,
But I schedule it out of formality.
And inside me, the things that are still trying to keep me alive
Try to please me and say,
“How about this? If you eat it, it will surely be delicious.”
And only the things I nod at are consumed.
Unless what I consume is delicious,I can’t maintain my mental state.
Yet, even while I’m eating, I try to numb my senses,
To escape this place for just a brief moment,
I divert my consciousness to distant, alternate worlds like images,
And I don’t even make an effort to return to the place where I’m eating
Lately, I’ve been thinking,
Maybe that person was never there from the beginning.
(provisional transration)